While winter rages on in Minnesota, many of us have turned to the sublime fantasy of taking a spring break. Unfortunately, varying levels of adulthood -finances, responsibilities, PTO, annoyance with the general public, etc.- often leave most of us trapped in the tundra all winter long so our producers came together to share some ideas for “Spring Break After 25”. Enjoy!
“Adult Spring Break” starts with a trip to the liquor store but skip the usual boxed wine aisle and go straight for the Corona. Get yourself a 12 pack and some fresh limes - FRESH limes, skip the pre-squeezed crap! Go home, put on a swimsuit, light a summer scented candle, pop open a corona, pump up some summer jams, and stand in your shower sipping corona and pretending you're somewhere else. What’s great about this option? No pesky lines, no annoying college students getting in your way with their shiny optimism and fake I.D.s, no PTO required, this trip will only set you back about $15, and you don’t have to pretend you enjoy being social! That’s a win, win, win, WIN my friend!! Welcome to adulthood bitches!
What does Spring Break in my 30s look like? It looks green. Green as in raging jealousy as my parents take trip after trip to warm and wonderful places as I get suckered into shoveling snow for them and watching their dog. And half the time they don’t even bring me back gifts. So if you’ll excuse me, I need to go walk this Golden Doodle, shovel two sidewalks, and then drink away my envy with cheap box wine from Trader Joes. And possibly weep softly.
Spring break as an adult is all about the imagination. Because let's be honest, do you really need warm weather, a sandy beach, and an ocean in front of you to sit in a beach chair with an umbrella and sip a fruity drink? No, technically you do not. So here's what you do. Put on every piece of warm clothing you own, grab that beach chair and umbrella out of your garage, hoist it up on top of the giant snow mound in your front yard, mix up a fruity drink (minus the ice because it'll freeze the second you step outside), and sit there with no care in the world soaking up the almost non-existent sun rays. You'll only last out there about 8 minutes before your toes start to go numb and your eyelashes freeze, but if you can IMAGINE the sun beating down on your face with clear blue ocean waves crashing in front of you, those 8 minutes will be well worth the frostbite.
Spring Break after 25 is all about being fancy AF - but like, without breaking my bank. Step 1) Bundle up and head out to Lake Wine & Spirits and go absolutely overboard on buying artisan cheeses (a.k.a. fancy lactose-free cheese with Calcium Lactate crystals), gluten-free cracker sleeves, dark chocolate and multiple bottles of red wine that are on the 6 for $36 clearance rack and… you might as well grab that on-sale bottle of cheap Irish Whiskey while you’re at it. Step 2) Stop by your local grocery store and pick up olives, mixed nuts, apples and an assortment of meats. Step 3) Lug all that shit home, dump it all on one of those platters your Mom bought you when you moved into your adult digs. Step 4) Throw Amazon Prime Video up on that massive TV you bought on Black Friday and turn on The Real World: Key West. Cause watching other people make dumb mistakes is what Spring Break is all about, right?
My Spring Breaks now are focused around the same concept - how can I achieve the same relaxation that I would while at the beach or resort, but while in my own home. This year’s theme - Cruise to Nowhere. I board my ship (my third story apartment) where I receive a welcome drink (a bottle of rose from the fridge which was left at my place after my birthday) to then lay by a pool (a warm bath with a variety of bubble baths and bath bombs I bought on sale a few months ago) with an ocean view (an 18 month calendar titled “Caribbean Dreams” with full pages of beach scenes which I received from Auntie Ann for Christmas last year) and take in the ocean breeze (tropical fruit scent of the aerosol bathroom air freshener). After, I return to my cabin (my bedroom, which might be considered messy but is what I like to call “personal organizational style”) to get my evening gown (a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt - both from my alma mater. GO SPARTANS!) to attend a buffet style dinner (an assortment of frozen items such as pizza, dino nuggets, and peas which all I have to do is heat up). To end my evening, I enjoy some live entertainment (the episode of American Idol from this week that I recorded from Tuesday to watch on this very night) and a walk along the deck under the clear night sky (taking my pitbull mix, Wally, on a walk around the neighborhood just to make sure he goes poo poo and pee pee). With sleepy eyes, I return to my cabin, tuck into bed and think, “man, I cannot wait for the next 6 days of this cruise!”
Start planning your spring break here!